Friday, December 31, 2010

drunk dialed by my own mom

my mom is a lightweight. she gets tipsy off of just a couple of sips of wine, so she rarely sips wine. get her after a big dose of general anesthesia is wearing off ...

the phone rings shortly after midnight.

mom? what are you doing calling so late? are you ok?

well, there's a mystery. i thought you might be worried.

what kind of mystery, mom?

a mystery. a.... mystery. and you wouldn't know and i thought you might be worried.

what do you mean? do you mean you don't know why you're in the hospital? do you remember why you're in the hospital?

yeah i know, but there was a mystery and i thought you would be looking for me so i needed to call and tell you.

ok, thanks for telling me mom.  love you.  goodnight.

Thursday, December 30, 2010

just a little 100,000 mile overhaul

one gallbladder lighter, one stomach gingerly untwisted, and two patched up hernias later, my mom is feeling much better than she did when we hit the ER on the 26th.

Monday, December 27, 2010

this is why i haven't been writing lately, or
how i spent my winter vacation

made it back to my parents' house at 6am after spending 5 hours in the emergency room with my mom. pounded down a couple hours of sleep before dragging my fat a-- out of bed, then dragging my dad's ever-increasingly bony a-- out of bed and into a fresh pair of depends and into his wheelchair just in time for our weekly visit from his bath attendant.

ok, let's talk about upsides. well, there is this: with mom in the hospital, the remaining few christmas cookies are all mine! ha! and, ummm, it's nice and sunny outside. and dad hasn't fallen (yet) today and is safely asleep in his recliner. so that's all good.

Saturday, December 18, 2010

... and now, goodbye bob


no more bbqs, beers and dreaming of green onions for us.

we'll miss you.