Thursday, April 30, 2009

mmmm, delicious!

crisis over.

pneumonia gone and my mom is finally home from the hospital.

check out this little beauty...

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

how i spent my day today

dad and i visited my mom in the hospital today - as we have done every day since the 22nd. but this time we took a little detour... even though he was using his walker, my dad still managed to take a header whilst making his way up the hospital corridor. a blood test, urine test, ekg, pelvic x-ray, ct scan, tetanus shot and 3 bloody bandages later, i wheeled my dad in a wheelchair up to see my mom.

i think my head is going to pop. which would be a blessing, frankly.

oh yeah, don't stop. keep going. don't stop. keep going.

mom revisited

just got a call from the doc. make that pneumonia or heart failure or both.

trying to roll with the punches here.

don't stop. keep going.

Sunday, April 26, 2009


still in hospital. knee's fine, but she's got pneumonia.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

an ever-deeping experience and understanding of gratitude - found in the oddest of places

i want to express my gratitude to my ex, my former someone, something or another… for creating the opportunity for me tonight – for the first time in my entire life - to hug my father so tightly and to sob so completely, so uncontrollably, so totally raw and exposed, on my father’s shoulder. i am 47. my father is 89. i don’t know that i would have had that opportunity if not for the events of the past 3-ish years, and most recently the actions of my former whatever-you-want-to-call-him over the past year and half, culminating in the “news” i received from him this evening. thank you ex-somebody. you unwittingly gave me, perhaps, the greatest gift i have ever been given.

i also want to express my gratitude to and for my friend kim whom, once she heard the news, immediately came over and made dinner for my father while i sobbed. (i am taking care of my father while my mother is in the hospital.) and to and for my friend allen who, tonight, reminded me of his simple motto that has seen him through many events, including prostate cancer: “don’t stop. keep going,” when i wanted to stop. i have extreme gratitude for his incredible blues guitar playing tonight, improvised around my sobbing and turning something ugly into something beautiful.

and jane. always. miles away tonight but right next to me.

and finally, i want to thank the phenomenon of sobbing. while public displays of deep, wrenching emotion are shunned and ridiculed in this culture – sobbing, really truly sobbing – breaking apart - is one of the most liberating things i’ve ever done. i am naked in front of my true friends and we are closer for it.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009


knee replacement surgery for my 85 year-old mom today.

Friday, April 17, 2009

our own life unfolding

a tidbit from jon kabat-zinn’s “wherever you go there you are”

“As a human being, you are the central figure in the universal hero’s mythic journey, the fairy tale, the Arthurian Quest. … This journey is the trajectory between birth and death, a human life lived. No one escapes the adventure. We only work with it differently.

Can we be in touch with our own life unfolding? Can we rise to the occasion of our humanity?”

Sunday, April 12, 2009

my shiner

shiner, day 3

shiner, day 8

shiner, day 12