Monday, April 15, 2013

if only i could balance the apparent high dopaminergic activity in my left striatum and ventromedial prefrontal cortex with ease and grace

effort.

 i find myself in it, usually far more than is required, a great deal of the time.

like when standing. or reaching. or washing dishes. steeling my legs in effort when i can simply relax in balance and let my arms do all the work.

why?  based on the article the neuroscience of effort, perhaps it's the way i'm wired, the innate mix of my neurons and chemical soup. working hard even when the payoff is minuscule.

"...[research] subjects showing greater dopaminergic activity in the left striatum and ventromedial prefrontal cortex were more willing to work hard in exchange for greater rewards. These differences were especially striking when the probability of a payout was low. Although the odds are actually getting [a payout] were minuscule, these subjects found a way to stay motivated."


Friday, April 5, 2013

tie it up with a bow and toss it on the bonfire

i faced my attacker today.

well, over the telephone from thousands of miles away, but still...

i testified in a california state bar court disciplinary trial against the attorney that - through his year-after-year relentless pursuit of totally baseless litigation against me and a family i once had - started the ball rolling on the complete destruction of every facet of my previous life. when he was done - well even before he was done - i had lost my partner, the home i had barely just finished designing and building, my life savings, most of my possessions, my health, and two people i once considered my closest friends.

pretty much everything. pretty much.

there was no benefit to me for testifying. but maybe it'll make it a little harder for him to destroy other lives.  yeah, maybe...

so.... anyhoo.....



swans
the format


....don't forget to fill your suitcase
now watch it sink
'cause where we're going we don't need a thing
not a map, or a seed.

'cause where we've been is who we used to be...

past the pavement that we used to walk
past the people that we used to know
now come on, go


tevolving