this leaving is so different

i was sitting in the train station in kranj, slovenia thinking about how much more travelling was in front of me before i finally would make it to banja luka when i wrote this. here it is, unedited:

this leaving is so different. last time i left, i left the ugliness of the stress of house building, a lawsuit, being stalked, and the deception of a loved one.

but this leaving - this leaving.... i leave a circle of friends and family that stood by me and with me in my need, and whom I cared for in their need.

i missed no one, really, in my first leaving. i couldn’t.

i miss so many in this leaving. those whose presence in my life and love was cemented when i returned. my family. my mom & dad, whom i would love to be with at this very moment. my brothers and their families, who have always been next to me although we have been separated by many miles for many years. my niece heather, who simply just gives a shit about me and always will, and will always do what needs to be done – even if it’s a hassle. allen and kim. and jane. jane, always close in the way weird twins souls like us are close, but who fused together, intertwined completely over the last year or so. jane and our new life we built when i was back in the states. and schmitty. schmitty babaganoush hanuman. what can i say?

this leaving is so different.

so I sit in this train station where nobody speaks english, drinking my “union” beer and I remember that the excitement is in every moment.

so what if the bus that tine said would arrive at 1 didn’t arrive at all. so what if I paid 5 euro for a taxi (down from 7 because the driver’s wife is from banja luka and he’s been to zelenkovac many times) to drive me to the train station because it was 2km away and my packs were so heavy and it was so f'ing hot out that it was actually worth it to me.) the excitement is in the daily adventure and here is my daily adventure. i will arrive in banja luka late, hot and tired, but i will have had an adventure along the way.